Fear: My Greatest Part 1

I do not fear many things.  Honestly.  I am not scared of spiders.  I’m not scared of roller coasters (quite the opposite actually).  I am not scared of the boogyman or the monster under my bed.  I am not scared of clowns.  I am not even scared of that lady at Jewel who scowls at me every time I buy an exorbitant amount of Ramen Noodles.  Lets just say that my list of things I fear is short.

For the last couple of years there is an awareness has been growing and developing in my mind.  I am becoming more and more informed about my depravity.  I am increasingly aware of my sinfulness and the way I belittle and mock the God of the universe.  This sense of my sinfulness was compounded when I got to teach on it this summer for 5 weeks.  Because I taught middle schoolers what sin is and the weight of it, my own sinfulness was brought to the forefront of my attention. I was suddenly very aware of the ways I chose created things (more specifically creation’s created things) or myself over the creator and sustainer God.

So with a larger view of my sin in mind, my fear has been growing.  I have been seeing that I am all too often a glory thief instead of a glory giver.

With that said, my terrifying keep-me-awake-at-night fear is myself.

Just saying that I fear myself is a bit too broad.  That is what this series is about.  This series is an examination of those specific fears.  Since only saying that I fear myself is a bit too broad, it might be helpful to break that down into bite size chunks.  So my aim is to be honest.  Honest because maybe you could identify and if you cannot identify then this honesty will solely behoove me.

So what do I fear?  Myself.  I fear myself because I have the power to allow sin to penetrate into all facets of my life.  I quite often make terrible decisions and do not keep the Gospel in the forefront of my vision.  I am sinful and capable of leading others astray.  This is all the more reason for me to rest in the Gospel.  It is so friggen good that my God redeems.

Jesus thank you for the redemption that you have promised and that you are working on in me now.  Take my fear and turn it to praise.  I pray that one day I will get to sit and talk with fellow saints and tell them how you took my fear of myself and turned it into a wonderful song unto your name.

Beware of no man more than of yourself; we carry our worst enemies within us. –Charles Haddon Spurgeon

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Posted in Fear: My Greatest
2 comments on “Fear: My Greatest Part 1
  1. Stacey says:

    “I am all too often a glory thief instead of a glory giver.” So true.

    And yet, God seeks to destroy our narcissism by placing the greatness of His glory in Christ into our weak frames. And then He casts us into the world to be weak and rejoice in that… for His sake and fame. (2 Cor 4; 12:9-10; Phil 4:11-13)
    Some of what I’m learning…

    Thanks for the words.

  2. Mom says:

    yet another opportunity to see the depth of your character. So proud I get to be your mom.

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I am fighting to believe.
My fight is the fight to believe. I also fight to rest and have joy in my God.
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